A Slice of Cheesecake, Please

I finally learned that you can’t have your cake and eat it too.
I would like to give some quirky metaphor for what the day was like, but I simply can’t. This day in its entirety was too bitter-sweet for my mind to accept as reality.
It really sucked.

It started out wonderful and gave me the feeling of inevitable productivity, but in less than 30 minutes of leaving my apartment, it turned into a never-ending game of “would you rather” that a friend forces you to play because they’re drunk and acting like an obnoxious frat boy.
Actually, that’s not a bad idea… Lets play.

Would you rather:
Have JUST enough time to grab a cup of your favorite coffee, only to then spill most of it (not scalding hot, don’t worry) on your favorite blue blouse?
Grab the last bottle of your favorite fresh squeezed strawberry lemonade, only to then spill most of it on the white blouse you just bought at lunch?

Would you rather:
Meet a famous author after making a terrible ‘author joke’ 2 feet away from them?
Joke about how a company’s CEO probably wakes up in the morning, before realizing said CEO is who you’re joking with?

Thank goodness they both understood I’m not a terrible person, and simply had bad timing trying to lighten a mood.

Would you rather:
Have your keys thrown into a large field by an excited T-ball player who you just taught what a pitcher is?
Be hit in the knee with a bat, by a T-ball player who just “perfected” their swing?

Would you rather:
Find your favorite pair of sneakers, and ruin them hours later by stepping in a muddy puddle while looking for keys in a field?
Well, there actually isn’t a second option. I ruined my dang ol’ shoes; it doesn’t get much worse.

Excuse me. Ma’am?
Can I just have a to-go box, please?

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